What makes two people of the same sex attracted to each other?

Why does society not accept a same sex relationship?

What must it be like to be gay or lesbian?

Can relationships like this really work out?

What do I do if a friend of mine is gay?

Maybe these questions have crossed all of our minds at some time or another. It's sometimes difficult to get the answers because nobody really talks about it, and there is lots of misconceptions surrounding the subject. Sangini, a helpline for lesbian and bisexual women in Delhi, here, offers some enlightenment on the issue.

Lesbian Relationships, what are they like?

There are many women who at some point in their life may feel attracted to another woman. They may ignore the feelings or they may do something about it. Those who do act upon their feelings may experience different kinds of relationships. A lesbian relationship could be pleasurable, secretive, boring, long lasting, funny, dramatic, short-termed, adventurous or exciting, …just like any other relationship between lovers.

But what is special about two women falling in love?

As you can see, there is no difference between the feelings that two women might have for each other, and the feelings that a couple of the opposite sex might experience. Two women can also ……..

It is only the ways in which society reacts to lesbian relationships that make the experience different.

Why do people say it is wrong to be attracted to the same sex?

In all cultures and societies heterosexuality (relationships between men and women) is given the right to exist because it is deemed 'normal'. On the other hand, lesbian relationships are deemed 'abnormal' and not given any place to openly exist in society. From childhood we are conditioned into certain gender roles. This includes that we have to be attracted to the opposite sex. Our direction of desire is presupposed. A woman has to love only a man. Society does not want to accept that a woman can also fall in love with a woman and that it has always happened. In fact, lesbian relationships are as old as heterosexual relationships.

What does a lesbian look like?

There are many stereotypes existing about lesbians and gay men. But the images we might have in our mind about how a lesbian may look may be misleading. In our three years of running a help line for women attracted to other women, we have come across a wide range of women from teenagers to women in their fifties and sixties, who have relationships with women. So lesbians are not somebody with horns on their head or with long noses. A lesbian could be…

Where are they?

Very few women will actually openly disclose their sexual orientation especially in India because of the problems they may face in society. But studies have shown that one out of ten people you see in your house or on the street, in school or at your working place are lesbian or gay.

Though mostly invisible, you may be interacting with someone who is a lesbian, without even knowing it. It may be Sangeeta, Radha, Madhu, Mona, Sanam, Geeta, Priya, Preeti, Madhuri, Poonam, Farah, Bobby, Sujata, Archana, Meenahhsi, Maya, Renu, Vishwa Jyoti … She may have long hair and put a bindi, wear salwaar kameez and sari with passion. She may be poor, rich or she may be middle class. She may love Hindi movies, may go to the mandir every day because she believes in God. She may love going out every night, or may be in her house most of the time, because this is what her family expects from her. So as you see, there is no typical lesbian.

What should I do if I feel this way, or my friend is a lesbian or gay?

If you are a woman attracted to another woman or you know somebody, then the most important thing to remember is that your feelings are ok and not to worry about it. You are not the only one although you may be feeling that you are! You may want to talk about it or meet others who feel the same way. If so, there are a number of groups around the country who provide support and space to talk about these issues.