|  We
always run a chance of becoming our parents...for better or
for worse. From the day we are born, we are inducted into,
influenced by, awed by the world of our parents. They tell
us what is right or wrong, good or bad. This interaction defines
our personality and therefore our future like none other.
Parents are our first role
models.
Yet
in our own personality, somewhere deep within, we secretly
harbor our own ambition, our own quest for what we like and
what we would love to do most.
Slowly
we realise that whatever definitions we got from our family,
were theirs and that we too would like to or may need to form
our own definitions of the world and how we see it.
It
is very natural for parents to have aspirations for their
children, for as parents they mistakenly think that children
are just extensions of themselves. It is important to remember
that children harbor their own dreams and aspirations that
may not be in tandem with what parents have in mind.
Parents
have a lot of influence and power over children. Often parents
use this power to control the child by using him/her as a
vehicle for fulfilling their own unresolved desires and ambitions.
This inevitably results in parents limiting their childs potential
and leaving them with unfulfilled desires and ambitions of
their own. A child's individuality is like a flower bud; it
blossoms if given the proper ingredients and brings its own
fragrance and radiance. A parent has great power over the
child. This power can be used to supress and crush the child
or to help the child blossom to his/her full potential.
It
is always best to know and understand the child's desires.
As parents it is only natural that you will have your own
set of wishes for your children but it is crucial that you
give value to their ambitions and desires over yours so that
the child can move into his/her own potential. This way you
will have fulfilled your role as parent and your child will
be able to grow up confident and with a sense of achievement
since he/she will have been allowed to be true to his/her
own being.
If
we look very closely at how we got our set of ambitions for
our own children, we realise that they are either our own
unresolved/unfulfilled desires, or they are determined by
"what other people think" and perceive as being socially
successful. For
example, if our son becomes a foreign returned doctor, we
are elated because the world validates such success. Likewise
there are many other mainstream notions of what socially defined
success is; usually in terms of money, fame and power.
If
our child decides to develop his/her own set of unique ambitions
that may be far removed from social notions of success we
are often distressed and resentful. Being victims of society
ourself we want our children to fall prey to it as well. And
we are often willing to sacrifice our childs happiness and
sense of individuality to external expectations and our own
trapped notions of success.
When
pressure on the child to succeed is based on narrow definitions
of success we end up raising limited and unhappy children
with stunted hopes and depressed desires. As
parents we need to be able to step out of the ugly traps set
by society. We need to support our children's interests so
that they may develop into responsible, content, mature and
healthy adults who were given the opportunity to realise their
own dreams and desires.
There
is a secret ambition in all of us, which is either repressed
as we grow older or it comes out at the strangest of moments
in our lives. It could be that a father suddenly takes to
clay modeling after his daughter gets married, or a mother
becomes a drama teacher after her children leave home. The
desire to fulfill the heart's needs is what we all pine for,
yet social expectations and norms inhibit us from pursuing
what is a passion, in favor of what our "prescribed roles"
dictate. At the end of the day we all strive to do the thing
which makes us happy, like doing the work we love doing, for
then it ceases to become work. Those people who have been
in total denial of the heart's desires always rubbish the
concept of following one's dream. They do not see it as being
a practical thing to do. Practicality or being pragmatic is
merely the same social expectations masquerading as herd mentality.
Here are some tips towards encouraging your child to recognize
and follow his/her dreams.
-
Enroll
your children in hobbies and leisure activities that interest
them and help him/her recognize talents and potential.
Don't allow your stereotypes of what is 'appropriate'
for a boy or a girl, or someone of your 'background',
to stand in the way of supporting your child's interests.
-
-
Spend
time discussing careers, dreams, ambitions with your children
and familiarize yourself with their thoughts and ideas.
This indicates your interest and support to them. Bring
in your experience and ideas as well, especially when
you feel they require a realistic picture on an issue.
-
-
Let
the focus be the child's pursuit of excellence and satisfaction
rather than 'making money'. And make this known to the
child that the pursuit of dreams far outweighs social
standards of success.
-
-
Encourage
your child to identify role models to emulate who can
inspire them to follow their ambitions.
-
-
Show
interest in your child's ambitions and share opportunities
or information that would help him/her take their ambitions
further.
Children
want their parents to love them and validate their beings.
One of the biggest gifts you can give your children is the
wisdom and the support to recognise and follow their dreams!
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