PARENTING || A Perfect Beginning | Parenting is the Key to the Mystical Garden

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HEALING YOUR CHILDHOOD THROUGH PARENTING

The birth of your child can be a gift of healing for you, only if you are aware. Often enough, we hear that parenting is the beginning of great relationship, a bond of love and support for life, a unique partnership of trust and support. But we really don’t see the greatest message behind it all.

Parenting is life’s way of gifting us back our childhood, which was often imperfect, so that we can heal those imperfections as adults because now we can understand our pain and want our child never to face the same traumas.

This REALIZATION is the greatest gift you can give to you child and one which will guarantee his/her blossoming into perfection.

Many will read this and think: no I had no real trauma. Others will think I am aware and I will never repeat the same mistakes as a parent. Both answers are in fact INCORRECT.

Psychology and mysticism is unanimous at least on this one fact, that our entire personality is formulated between 0-7 years. Life events after that continue to accentuate and endorse the same traits. Mystical texts however include the womb time as well. Now you need to look at all the things that trouble you: fear, insecurity, anger, jealousy, aggression, work holism, possessiveness, violence, in confidence etc. The root has to be in the messages, and experiences that you had in childhood, both in the conscious and sub conscious. And suddenly having a child of you own can help recall those memories easily, if you allow your psyche the space and are willing to enter into your inner truths.

A simple exercise will show you some truths:

· How often do you find yourself thinking or saying

- my dad/mom did this to me

- I’m never going to do this to my child.

·- I was never given this as a child so I will/will not give it to mine either

·- My father was always strict with us and it hurt but it builds character

·- We were never allowed this in our home/times you can do without it too

·- I had such a ghastly childhood I m going to make my child the happiest kid in the world.

Now you must be wondering what indeed is wrong with the positive resolves you make. The CRITICAL point is that everything you are thinking/feeling wanting for your child is in REACTION to what your childhood was or was not. This feeling is enough to prove the unresolved impact of your own childhood.

·WHAT THEN IS WRONG WITH CARRYING YOUR CHILDHOOD?

Your childhood has fashioned you, especially the fears/insecurities/resentments and emotional responses. Healing yourself of that baggage will empty you out of the negative and allow you to fill yourself with your own wisdom and understanding of life and love, responsibility and the magic of relating to a child.

Right now you are not even aware of how every instinct towards your own child is a reaction to your own imperfect childhood.

Heal yourself of the fear, insecurities, resentments and emotional responses

And reactions, always create an EXCESS in our behaviour towards the child and will damage its sense of balance. You see abused children growing into excessively protective or violent parents themselves. Financially deprived children grow into excessively lavish or miserly parents. Your own deprivations cannot create a sense of balance.

Healing yourself means journeying back into the pain, the truths and experiences of what you encountered in childhood. Healing means release from the anger and hurt, which you will be shocked to find is very much there and quite unchanged in its intensity. Taunting words, sarcasm aimed at you, disparaging comments and the desperate need for love and validation, all lurking beneath the surface of your ‘adult’ personality. It will help you understand why you still carry resentments and anger against either or both parents and will help you relate it to many of your contradictory responses to them.

Children who faced violence, physical, emotional or sexual abuse at home can never make healthy parents until they heal their own crippled childhood.
Research proves today that violent experiences in childhood more often than not, cause the adult to repeat the same patterns with children.

Healing your childhood means ENDING all anger and bitterness with your parents. And this can only happen if you allow your inner child to express its hurt, to tell you the truth of its pain which it has been bearing within you silently, for so long. Think about it; if you do not do justice to your own inner child, how can you even begin to do justice to the child you are parenting?

Your child is therefore opening the door for you to let out the stifled and hurt child within you. It’s his/her greatest gift to you as a parent. but only if you understand this divine design and let your child, inside and outside you become a mystical road to your healing. This simple experience can suddenly transform your life and fill you with a joy, energy and youthfulness which will feel miraculous.

And imagine, just by healing yourself you will free yourself and your child from the baggage of your own pain. Having journeyed back through your pain will give you a new sensitivity and insight into how your child really feels about things. You will know anew from a child’s heart. And this insight is only possible, if you journey through your own pain. NO amount of books and journals will teach you what your experience will reveal.

Suddenly you will have the skills to gift your child an amazing childhood which will not only allow him/her to bloom in the world as a rare flower but he/she will only carry you in their hearts as a guide of light and love. And all who see and know him/her will look upon you as the mystical gardener who nurtured such a joyous and gifted child.

HOW TO HEAL YOUR OWN CHILDHOOD

Since the pain lies deep within us, the healing requires entering our inner world. This is not as simple as it sounds. Contemplation alone cannot help because we need to enter the world of emotions and contemplation uses only the mind. Understanding the workings of your own mind therefore is critical. Our mind primarily uses a defense mechanism to shield us from pain. This then requires either blocking the true memory of an experience, recreating it to appear more palatable or deflecting it to some manageable reality. Either way your mind has hardened against the truth of your emotions. So the mind is not truth. Which means, that its mechanisms do not help the pain go away, they merely manage the pain. The heart is where the pain is stored. Therefore the heart is the only place to search for your inner truth. And once found, emptying the pain is the only path to healing.

Entering your inner world therefore requires a technique to still the mind and focus on the past. Guided meditation is the only technique that can work. The following meditation technique is a beginning. If you are resolute and dedicated about using it, it can lead you into your inner truth. If you discover that the traumas are very complex and you need further support and guidance to address them you can write to us for some personalized support. IFSHA provides this support as a confidential and free of cost service.