| Innocence,
creativity and a desire and openness to learning are
strong in children, which is why they continue to inspire
and amaze us, which is why the potential within each
child needs to be nurtured and developed consciously.
If children really are a resource for the future and
if we think of them as our ‘hope’, then we have to help
them reach their potential.
Unfortunately,
the adult world paints a picture of mediocrity and apathy
that dampens children’s energy and enthusiasm. So children
require role models to emulate, to give their growth
and development a fulfilling direction. Powerful role
models allow children to believe in themselves, they
create the hope that change is possible, and that solutions
to human problems lie in individual courage, faith,
and receptivity to change. |
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Children with good role models develop into adults with
vision and values, who aspire to live their lives with
courage and truth. Who dare to dream and dare to win.
Many situations make children feel dejected, unwanted,
and unappreciated. Role models speak to a child’s innate
optimism and belief in goodness, that strength of character
can fight and win the most hopeless wars. |
Parents
can be children’s most powerful and inspiring role models.
It takes warmth, love, and knowing that who you are and how
you act are direct messages to your children about what humanity,
love and wisdom is about. Children learn by how you live,
and being so close, both physically and psychologically, you
can transmit your own wisdom and wonder in many different
ways. Stories of hope, courage, and integrity from your family
history must be passed on to children, for not only does this
keep alive a sense of family and connected-ness, but also
lets children know that ordinary everyday people can live
extraordinary lives. Additionally, what we highlight for children
is also important: stories like those of your grandparents
making their way from what is now Pakistan into India through
the terror of Partition portrays a certain kind of valor and
integrity. At the same time don’t forget the simple subtle
stories of people who go unnoticed, especially women, who
can show tremendous courage, strength, and compassion just
by fulfilling their roles as mothers and wives.
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Both
girls and boys require role models who give specific
gender-related messages, and who create new possibilities
for both genders to grow and expand. It is only because
of personal and collective role models that women
of today have explored avenues for themselves outside
the confines of the home, and are developing new and
interesting ways of expressing themselves in society,
culture, politics, art, literature etc.. Role models
who challenge and expand notions of gender are important
for children to be able to develop their own potential
knowing that the sky is the limit and that they need
not be confined by any limiting idea or notion of
gender that may be fed to them.
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For
example, women who work outside the home, who study, or develop
themselves emotionally, intellectually, are sending a very
important message to their daughters and sons about gender,
change, and equality.
But
if the situation within the home shows working mothers unable
to take decisions, or control the finances, or suffering discrimination,
then children realize that gender equality is a sham and that
intimate spaces are always the preserve of the male. Girls
need female role models who live on their own terms, both
within the home and outside, women who challenge the most
restrictive moral norms that diminish women’s capacity for
personal and professional growth.
Male
child conditioning continues to restrict them, by telling
them to be "strong" by not being emotional, to be aggressive
by condoning the laws of might and power, to be acquisitive
by letting them regularly have their own way. So boys have
largely been strait jacketed into traditional roles of protector,
provider, and defender. Male violence, power games and social
roles have remained unchanged for generations All this does
not necessarily make men more happy or content. But male role
models who show that courage and valor are not physical qualities,
like Nelson Mandela, show the power of inner strength and
a conviction in one’s beliefs. Boys particularly need male
role models who are unafraid to express what is traditionally
thought of as ‘feminine’- their love and nurturance, emotional
openness and empathy, rather than bravado and one-upmanship.
Many women often wish that men would be more receptive and
sensitive….this develops in a man only when he begins to feel
that these are not ‘female’ traits, but are required in every
human being to connect deeply to another. Boys need to grow
up feeling that masculinity and male-ness is not what it was
traditionally thought to be; if women can express a range
of behaviors and feelings that are both ‘traditionally’ male
and female, then what stops men? In choosing role models,
WWF champs and action superheroes need to make room for figures
like the Dalai Lama. Fathers can be instrumental in creating
new images of male-ness and masculinity, from helping out
around the house, to being caring and nurturing with children.
A father who asserts his position as the ‘head’ of the household
reinforces patterns of male dominance and control in boys.
Fictional
characters and spiritual icons form powerful role models for
children, especially because they exist in the realm of fantasy
and imagination where anything is
possible. It is this ability to feel one’s potential to make
anything happen that children are
bereft of and fictional characters and spiritual icons as
role models reinstate the power of intention and well-being
in children.
Guru Gobind
Singh is a good example of this kind of role model; not only
was he valorous and brave, but he was also a mystic, a poet,
and a deeply sensitive man. Ancient tales of Hindu Gods, Buddhist
fables, the Jataka Tales, the Mahabharata, the Ramayan are
some of the most powerful stories that have inspired children
through the ages. Stories of visionaries, masters and mystics,
should be brought to children’s awareness for they will see
the trajectory of these great lives and how they converted
their struggles into their liberation: the Buddha, the Dalai
Lama, the Sikh Gurus, Jesus Christ etc. Especially for boys
these role models embody traits of compassion and non-violence,
protecting the helpless (rather than fighting to gain control),
and love and connected-ness with nature.
These stories
and characters also inspire a sense of devotion in children
and create a very unique and special form of strength in children.
Gods and Masters become ‘real’ to children, and do not remain
as mere idols or icons to be worshipped from a distance. These
icons keep children company in their difficult times and support
them towards believing that all pain, shame, and grief can
be healed. In this regard it is useful to suggest role models
that children can relate to. Child Gods and Goddesses and
Masters are often very inspiring for children.
Girls require
role models that show alternative possibilities of femininity.
The Goddesses of the Hindu and Greek pantheons embody non-traditional
notions of femininity that can make girls feel that they themselves
represent an immense potential for growth. Joan of Arc, Kali,
Durga, Tara, Artemis, etc., are just some of the non-typical
images of femininity that embody both physical courage and
valor, as well as depth, sensitivity, and compassion.
Girls need
to be encouraged to analyze mainstream social views and morality
against ancient traditional perspectives that remain powerful
in our collective psyche. How did Indian women take on a position
of helplessness and victimization in a land where the Feminine
has been deified in so many diverse forms? The deification
simply represents the wealth of the potential in the Feminine
to encompass so many [seemingly contradictory] roles – mother,
defender, provider, prosperity, compassion, wisdom, learning,
creativity etc.
Children
can be encouraged to recognize role models from amongst their
own peer groups. Children who are given bravery awards, unusual
children who step outside their milieu and background to achieve
something different, children who give up their security to
defend others, those who lose their childhood to face incredible
odds, children who show concern for the less privileged and
Special Children, those who find immense courage to express
themselves and change their lives and thereby the perceptions
of others in powerful ways. They are all worthy of being called
role models. The lives of these children show us that age,
background, education and lack of privilege need not stand
in the way of excellence, courage, and compassion.
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Introduce
your children to books, movies and articles about the
lives of famous people who you think could be inspirational
and encouraging. Discuss these with them, talk about your
children's dreams and ambitions for themselves, and always
support them in their efforts.
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If
your child has a particular interest or talent or hobby
they might find it relevant to adopt role models from
these fields, so encourage them to do this and learn about
their talents in a holistic way.
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Make
your children aware of social issues and problems around
them and back it up with examples of real people who have
tried to make a difference. Not only does this open them
up to reading and exploring the world around them, but
is a far more creative way to learn about history, civilizations,
geography, science, literature and the arts.
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Make
your children aware of 'everyday people', from your house-help
to people in the family and community, both adults and
children, who demonstrate admirable values like integrity,
courage, and self-actualization.
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Children
can make scrap-books or collages of their role models
and inspirational people as a record of their own journey
of truth and discovery. Books, movies, the internet, public
lectures, debates, TV are just some of the resources that
can be accessed for information.
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