Sexuality is very important for most teenagers, and for me too. I am a conventional Delhi girl, just like you; have studied in a co-ed school, just like you. Now I'm in college, just like you.

After Class 12, my mind and spirit suddenly expanded and I found myself changing. I cut my long hair, started wearing only Doc Martens and grungy boots, started using my Dad's cologne and discarded all the pinks and mauves in my wardrobe. I trained as an aerobics instructor and promptly bought a cool leather jacket (even though I was horribly cold in it). Soon my life revolved around working out, becoming strong and muscular became an obsession…not just to fight my younger brother, but to impress girls…. Ooops!!! Reality bit me in the leg.

I had a boyfriend and I think I loved him but I found myself leching at women! I would hang out my with male friends and was even competing with them to get women's attention. I was out of the closet now!

Leaving all this frivolous stuff behind, I realized that I was in love with a woman, my closest friend. I could imagine myself expressing my love for her in every possible way - emotionally, psychologically, and sexually. This remained a dream since her reality is different from mine. As usual, that’s a heartbreak story! Even now, loving her is the most beautiful part of my life. I often get attracted to other women in the hope of forgetting her, but the "love" element was always missing. Despite knowing that she cannot reciprocate what I feel for her, I realized that this is a real test of love. Can I accept her and be around her even though she does not want to be my lover? So we talked and fought and cried and healed; have created our own little island of warmth and understanding that means everything to me.

How do I feel about this all? Well, it’s not important for me to know how it happened, I know that what I am is what I am. A heterosexual person never asks himself or herself why and how "it" happened to them!? It’s a shame that today with so much information and awareness most of us think that homosexuality or bisexuality is abnormal or wrong. That we label people and fail to look beyond sex and bodies into hearts and minds. That we are content to say that its abnormal and fail to find out more and challenge our own narrow attitudes.

Sexuality is not only about sex, and love is not only about attraction. I feel that being open and comfortable as a bisexual has made me more confident and sure of myself. I think its also made me more mature and I know that I am more clued into myself that ever before. I thank my friends, my family, and IFSHA for helping me come to terms with my reality.

Today I fly high into the radiant sunshine above the clouds of disapproval and hopelessness; I know that I will always have an exciting and adventurous life because I am not afraid to fly.

The author prefers not to reveal her identity.